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Lifestyles over 50

Little Quips

  • It’s not the job of being a cabbie that he likes; it’s the people he runs into.
  • I went to a parachute-jumping class. The dropout rate was incredible!
  • For every student with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
  • It’s so easy to meet expenses these days. I meet them everywhere I look!
  • Money doesn’t talk nowadays—it goes without saying.
  • I hear that exercise kills germs. But how do you get the little buggers to exercise?
  • A cocktail party is a gathering where sandwiches and friends are cut into little pieces.
  • A friend in need—is a friend you’d better stay away from.
  • He’s a model husband—but not a working model.
  • When he said, “I do,” his mother-in-law said, “You’d better!”
  • He’s got as much future as a cake of ice.
  • Alimony: the high cost of leaving.
  • She’s so lazy she puts popcorn in the pancakes so they’ll turn over by themselves.
  • He’s the light of her life—she won’t let him go out.
  • Adam had no mother-in-law; that’s why it was called Paradise.
  • This lousy movie was not released—it escaped.
  • He was a pantomime heckler: he made faces at the people on stage.
  • She used to play the trombone when she was a kid; then she let it slide.
  • I was so absent-minded, I played hookie on weekends.
  • On Valentine’s Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
  • I like to do things for my wife on Valentine’s Day. I open the door for her when she puts the laundry in the washing machine.
  • She was named after Betsy Ross—but not long after.
  • To err is human. To admit it, isn’t.
  • Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.