The out-of-work comic was complaining, “To make a couple extra bucks, I took a job at the department store. On Thanksgiving, I dressed like a pilgrim. On Christmas, I dressed like Santa Claus, but I’m finished with holidays. Easter’s comin’ and I ain’t gonna lay an egg for nobody!”

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The soldier boy was so unhappy. “But this is Christmas," I tried to cheer him up, “Santa Claus and all that.”

“What Santa Claus?” he cried. “Twenty years ago, I asked Santa for a soldier suit—Now I got it!”

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The club was particularly crowded one Veterans Day. It was filled with men and women in uniform. One young man approached the host comedian and asked for a good table because “I’m just out of uniform.”

He was very solicitous and asked, “What branch of the service were you in, young man?”

“I’m a bellhop,” he replied.

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I went to buy a watch for my wife for Christmas. “It will go 8 days without winding,” boasted the clerk.

“How many days will it go if I wind it?”

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In Memoriam—Prince Philip looks out the window on Christmas Eve. “That’s some reindeer!” he says.

The queen replies, “Yes, 70 years. That is a lot.”